The inherent intelligence in the design of our genetic code and its concurrent reprogramming in line with recent explorations on epigenetics allowed me and my partner to see birth as one of the many points where change could truly begin. As I write this note our beloved Kala is celebrating her second week of life outside the womb, delivered so gently, fully in her amnion sac on January 27 at 10:32pm. Being able to hear her first breath, see her eyes for the first time and witness her adjust to sounds, gravity, breathing and feeding as days and nights pass by; being able to observe how she transitions to the human world with sophisticated intricacy, my heart swells with feelings of purity, of innocence, of lightness. Amidst the current socio-political reality peaking in its fascism and tyranny, amidst small personal circles entertaining insensible cruelty for trendy nihilism, amidst egoic paranoia and widespread confusion crystalizing as the proud neurosis of our time, choosing to be gentle, placid, and loving is a radical act.
When D and I knew that our inner fires passionately sparked a starting of a new life, we already had a feeling of what was about to come. We knew it’s going to be big for everything was in perfect alignment – my LMP was on my father’s birthday, the conception was on D’s star sign as the birth was on mine, and my reading of my childhood journal scribbled with a wish to be a mother at 25, among other things – all these birthed a huge feeling of guidance from my inner self as well as corresponding ancestral and celestial wisdom. They were all deeply present in me and I had nothing else to do but trust.
And this trust lead me to meeting Isa, my wonderful midwife and good friend, weeks before I knew about the pregnancy as well as finding an eco-village, an intentional community, that supports and encourages the kind of natural birthing that we envisioned. It felt like everything was already in place even before everything started to happen, quietly and instantaneously connecting the dots for our tiny family’s gradual unfolding.
Kala, too, actively sent signs as she spoke with me through dreams, revealing her gender and what planet and stars are ruling at the time of her birth. I had several visions of her sending me messages of how she wanted to alight on this planet which manifested quite beautifully. She made us mindful of days, weeks and months as we await her arrival. D once dreamt of her also, as a young beautiful woman, communicating that time does not exist in the realm of symbols (or some other, way beyond codes). So we named her Kala, the Sanskrit word for time, for she seems to be a timekeeper but also the dissolution of this illusion. She is Time (as in eternity), because she is also timeless.
Believing that this big shift in our lives is way beyond our lives, we wanted nothing but the kindest possible landing of Kala’s soul to earth. We chose to give her a Full Lotus Water Birth to give comfort to her process of embodiment in this plane.
When I started feeling more intense prodromal contractions at 4pm of January 26, D and I partied to Earth, Wind and Fire and went dancing to Fleetwood Mac. After months and months of patient and careful waiting, at last, Kala’s arrival was already soon and we can finally meet our baby. At 8pm, D read me so quickly and initiated putting water on the pool as we laughed our nervousness away. We called Isa at around 10:30 and she came bright-eyed like the sun, thrilled for whatever we were about to experience together. In the first phase, I was too excited that I rushed Kala to come out, which tired me a lot, but I was able to sleep at around 3am of the next day and woke up around 6am to go into the active stage. The second phase started when I went out of the room, walked around and tried the standing position. Before this, I was in and out of the pool with D and constantly receiving relaxing massages from Isa. The water helped me drop into theta and delta brain states as I meditated to give allowance to the contractions. Every time a contraction surfaces I released its strong muscular tension through chanting, channelling really powerful feminine energy coming from the core of the earth. Very ardent and primordial sounds vibrated through me, strengthening my very center.
I labored the entire day until at 5pm I was already very drained. Isa, sensitive to energy, saw what was happening and intuitively asked our neighbour hilot to come over. Isa was out buying fruits to energize us when the hilot came. So sudden, she read my pulse and said that I will give birth at night. I told her how tired I already am and she just brushed it off with a remark “laban lang, ako sa panganay ko tatlong araw akong nag-labor” as she swiftly headed out. This helped me transition to the third stage as I transfer to my room because it came to a point that the water relaxed me too much. I felt that I needed to shift more to adrenaline production rather than oxytocin. The presence of the wise old woman and her symbol gave me strength to really fight for the birthing that I want, as Isa’s guidance held so much space for me to really own the process. At 8pm, I started bleeding and called Isa into my room. At 10:32pm, I gave birth to Kala not on water but on land. (In a sense she water birthed herself since she was in her amnion sac, she is the funniest.) D saw her kick her way out of the sac and into her first breath. After two more contractions I birthed Kala’s placenta.
Meeting Kala the first time as she latched on my breasts for primal rituals, I’ve felt the most beautiful communion there could ever possibly be. As our souls meet each other, I cannot help but meet all others in the depths of her eyes. I felt more linked and united with mine and D’s mother, our grandmothers, the mothers of our grandmothers and so on and so forth.
The next day as my body was slowly recovering but my spirit in high festivity, I asked D if he was beside Isa when Kala slid out. But he said he was in front of me witnessing all of it in an intimate angle. I felt like the entire room was full of people until I got the message that everyone I love were all meditating, sending me good energies and were with me the entire process. In Baguio, a conscious circle was held at Paradise Project. At Tayuksidi and La Union, good babaylan friends sent prayers and thoughtful support. And just in our own earth village, all the people in our community facilitated an innerdance session to assist me energetically. Everyone was so present and conscious of both the seen and unseen, everyone was part of the birthing. It was such a beautiful, beautiful energy. Which made me realize that yes, it was in my body that Kala’s body came out from, but she was already everyone else’s baby right from the beginning. We all birthed her and I loved every single atom, cell, energetic information that were part of her birthing. This reminded me of Kahlil Gibran: “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life longing for itself.” True enough, with the birth of every child, the universe chooses to look at itself with garden-fresh eyes.