ni J. G. Dimaranan

Para kay M


May ulap na lumulutang

sa aking dibdib, nagsasabing


malawak ang ating dapat unawain

kaya lawakan din natin ang ating pag-unawa.


Nakaapak man ang mga paa sa lupa,

nakikipaglaro sa suliraning pantao,


ang puso’t isip nama’y nasa piling

ng malawig na langit ni Lumawig.


Tinapik ako ng hangin

at itinuro ka sa akin,


tayo na raw muna ang taya.

Banggit ng liwanag ng araw,


malawak ang ating dapat unawain

kaya lawakan din natin ang ating pag-unawa.



Kala’s Full Lotus Birth

The inherent intelligence in the design of our genetic code and its concurrent reprogramming in line with recent explorations on epigenetics allowed me and my partner to see birth as one of the many points where change could truly begin. As I write this note our beloved Kala is celebrating her second week of life outside the womb, delivered so gently, fully in her amnion sac on January 27 at 10:32pm. Being able to hear her first breath, see her eyes for the first time and witness her adjust to sounds, gravity, breathing and feeding as days and nights pass by; being able to observe how she transitions to the human world with sophisticated intricacy, my heart swells with feelings of purity, of innocence, of lightness. Amidst the current socio-political reality peaking in its fascism and tyranny, amidst small personal circles entertaining insensible cruelty for trendy nihilism, amidst egoic paranoia and widespread confusion crystalizing as the proud neurosis of our time, choosing to be gentle, placid, and loving is a radical act.

When D and I knew that our inner fires passionately sparked a starting of a new life, we already had a feeling of what was about to come. We knew it’s going to be big for everything was in perfect alignment – my LMP was on my father’s birthday, the conception was on D’s star sign as the birth was on mine, and my reading of my childhood journal scribbled with a wish to be a mother at 25, among other things – all these birthed a huge feeling of guidance from my inner self as well as corresponding ancestral and celestial wisdom. They were all deeply present in me and I had nothing else to do but trust.

And this trust lead me to meeting Isa, my wonderful midwife and good friend, weeks before I knew about the pregnancy as well as finding an eco-village, an intentional community, that supports and encourages the kind of natural birthing that we envisioned. It felt like everything was already in place even before everything started to happen, quietly and instantaneously connecting the dots for our tiny family’s gradual unfolding.

Kala, too, actively sent signs as she spoke with me through dreams, revealing her gender and what planet and stars are ruling at the time of her birth. I had several visions of her sending me messages of how she wanted to alight on this planet which manifested quite beautifully. She made us mindful of days, weeks and months as we await her arrival. D once dreamt of her also, as a young beautiful woman, communicating that time does not exist in the realm of symbols (or some other, way beyond codes). So we named her Kala, the Sanskrit word for time, for she seems to be a timekeeper but also the dissolution of this illusion. She is Time (as in eternity), because she is also timeless.

Believing that this big shift in our lives is way beyond our lives, we wanted nothing but the kindest possible landing of Kala’s soul to earth. We chose to give her a Full Lotus Water Birth to give comfort to her process of embodiment in this plane.


When I started feeling more intense prodromal contractions at 4pm of January 26, D and I partied to Earth, Wind and Fire and went dancing to Fleetwood Mac. After months and months of patient and careful waiting, at last, Kala’s arrival was already soon and we can finally meet our baby. At 8pm, D read me so quickly and initiated putting water on the pool as we laughed our nervousness away. We called Isa at around 10:30 and she came bright-eyed like the sun, thrilled for whatever we were about to experience together. In the first phase, I was too excited that I rushed Kala to come out, which tired me a lot, but I was able to sleep at around 3am of the next day and woke up around 6am to go into the active stage. The second phase started when I went out of the room, walked around and tried the standing position. Before this, I was in and out of the pool with D and constantly receiving relaxing massages from Isa. The water helped me drop into theta and delta brain states as I meditated to give allowance to the contractions. Every time a contraction surfaces I released its strong muscular tension through chanting, channelling really powerful feminine energy coming from the core of the earth. Very ardent and primordial sounds vibrated through me, strengthening my very center.

I labored the entire day until at 5pm I was already very drained. Isa, sensitive to energy, saw what was happening and intuitively asked our neighbour hilot to come over. Isa was out buying fruits to energize us when the hilot came. So sudden, she read my pulse and said that I will give birth at night. I told her how tired I already am and she just brushed it off with a remark “laban lang, ako sa panganay ko tatlong araw akong nag-labor” as she swiftly headed out. This helped me transition to the third stage as I transfer to my room because it came to a point that the water relaxed me too much. I felt that I needed to shift more to adrenaline production rather than oxytocin. The presence of the wise old woman and her symbol gave me strength to really fight for the birthing that I want, as Isa’s guidance held so much space for me to really own the process. At 8pm, I started bleeding and called Isa into my room. At 10:32pm, I gave birth to Kala not on water but on land. (In a sense she water birthed herself since she was in her amnion sac, she is the funniest.) D saw her kick her way out of the sac and into her first breath. After two more contractions I birthed Kala’s placenta.


Meeting Kala the first time as she latched on my breasts for primal rituals, I’ve felt the most beautiful communion there could ever possibly be. As our souls meet each other, I cannot help but meet all others in the depths of her eyes. I felt more linked and united with mine and D’s mother, our grandmothers, the mothers of our grandmothers and so on and so forth.

The next day as my body was slowly recovering but my spirit in high festivity, I asked D if he was beside Isa when Kala slid out. But he said he was in front of me witnessing all of it in an intimate angle. I felt like the entire room was full of people until I got the message that everyone I love were all meditating, sending me good energies and were with me the entire process. In Baguio, a conscious circle was held at Paradise Project. At Tayuksidi and La Union, good babaylan friends sent prayers and thoughtful support. And just in our own earth village, all the people in our community facilitated an innerdance session to assist me energetically. Everyone was so present and conscious of both the seen and unseen, everyone was part of the birthing. It was such a beautiful, beautiful energy. Which made me realize that yes, it was in my body that Kala’s body came out from, but she was already everyone else’s baby right from the beginning. We all birthed her and I loved every single atom, cell, energetic information that were part of her birthing. This reminded me of Kahlil Gibran: “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life longing for itself.” True enough, with the birth of every child, the universe chooses to look at itself with garden-fresh eyes.




Diwata: A sisterhood gathering


The Divine Feminine emerges within us as this energy becomes amplified when women consciously come together. Somewhere in the middle of a sacred circle, something beyond us is created and birthed in the same energy. Words are not enough to describe its immense power, but language is here to plant in a subtle and sublime manner this wordless truth. It is us but also not us.

When they say that God is an all-seeing eye, I put my trust into the eyes of others, their journeys, their life experiences. The Eye/I is co-created as we evolve together in synchronicity and compassion.

To all the women who were with me this weekend, like the waxing and waning of the moon, I once again praise with the highest vibrations of love both your light and shadow. May we feel energetically connected even more — to ourselves and to one another, to our ancestors and spirit guides, to our Mother Gaia, and to the ultimate Source of all that is.

(Below is a photo of 20 women basking under the full moon in silent prayer, in a humble and quiet cove in Zambales. Thank you for capturing bare honesty in these photos Hannah and Ate Ann, for opening your home to us Cherry and for inviting me to hold space for a ritual Mara, as I also thank all the other moments that held this moment together as One. Presence was enough.)



On the spirit of language

Much has been said about the nature of language as a matter of socio-political construction that humanizes what is perceived; or in short: what is. Implications of its impurity in the translation of thought is allowed to form more, serving as a subjective brick for culture and human-centric evolutionary processes. It often times distorts or carry out in utter lack what is really conveyed, putting primacy on an ideal world of silent energetic transmissions built on the unsaid and the godliness of the ineffable.

But what is bypassed and overlooked is its power to suggest, its ability to present a present with surprising pleasure — when words are used not to communicate an idea but as tools to plant a wordless truth.

Lambing ng umagang inulan

Ang espiritu ng lahat ng entidad sa dimensyon ng tatluhang-ilusyon ay nagmula lahat sa Walang Hanggan. Ang katawan ng taong nilika ng Siyang Nag-iisa ay kaisa mismo ng paglikha. Ang Siyang Nag-iisa ay nasa atin, kung titigil lamang tayo sa pagpikit (mulat na hikayatin ang liwanag) at kung ititigil lamang natin ang walang kapararakang ingay ng isip (sa katahimikan maririnig ang katotohanan). Kung gayon, ang Ako at ang Iba ay di tunay na magkaiba; at ang dunong hinggil sa kawalan ng kaibahan ay ang mapagpalayang sikmura (o atay) na taga-proseso ng mundong hinubog sa ilusyon.

Marahil ay tama ang sinasabi ng mga Hindu na nabubuhay tayo sa panahon ni (o ng) Kali Yuga. At kung ang Siyang Nag-iisa ay nasa atin, tayong lahat din si Haring Nala.

Relihiyon, spiritualidad, rebolusyon

Noong huling bisita sa Mt. Banahaw nitong Semana Santa, tumawag sa aking pansin  ang santong patron ng mga manggagagwa at magsasaka na si San Isidro Labrador (St. Isidore the Farm Labourer). Matampok siyang santong sinamba ng mga sinaunang Filipino at kasalukuyang sinasamba pa rin (kita sa presevacion ng kaniyang figura sa kabundukan) dahil kalakhan sa atin, kundi man ang pinakamalaking tipak ng lipunang Filipino, ay mga magsasaka at manggagawang bukid.

Nang umatras ang mga katipunero sa mga bundok para sa socio-ekonomikong pag-aaklas, kasabay rin nilang umatras sa bundok ang mga nakipagdigma naman sa usaping relihiyon at paniniwala. Hindi ko na batid pagkat nawala na sa isip ang nanguna sa galaw na ito, baka maaari ninyong dagdagan itong hunta ko, pero ang rason ay dahil hindi pwedeng maging pari ang mga indio kaya nagkaroon ng hybrid na praktika ng Atavismo at Kristiyanismo ang ating mga ninuno. Naging integral ang Mt. Banahaw sa tinatawag nilang Colorum Uprisings (hango sa Latin na saecula saecolorum kalakip ng kanilang mga dasal) pagdating sa mga spiritual revolts sa Southern Tagalog; na mga pesante’t manggagawa ang kalakhan ng kasapian.

Kung sakaling may nais magpalalim, ito ang isa sa mga maaaring basahin:…/guerrero-column-uprisings-1924-…